Category Archives: Cosmic Alignments

Concerto for Baffoon and Orchids

Baby Baba ogled at the big puffy clouds
in the big sweet baby-blue sky. The
grass under Baby Baba’s bottom was soft
and bushy and the warm warm sun shone
down between the maple leaves making
blobs of light and shadow to amuse and
delight Baby Baba.

Momma and Poppa were a bit ways
over by the big pretty flower field where the
peonies and the pansies bubbled up and
blossomed out, making Baby Baba bounce
with joy whenever the wind carried their
essence nearby.

Beside Baby Baba, Lento and Bento
played their big boy games and splashed in
the water of the fountain. Valina and Darlina
giggled and wiggled when the big boys
splashed at them, but the bubbly beauties
didn’t really mind when the water washed
over their sun warmed bodies. Madly did
they giggle on as the maple shadows moved
about and the breeze relieved everyone of
their excess heat.

Baby Baba babbled and gaggled, abso-
lutely in love with life. Clap, clap went Baby
Baba’s paw-like appendages in a clumsy but
sincere show of appreciation for the show
Bento and Lento were putting on now as
they began to bound about and chase the
girls around. Giggly laughter and shouts of
false alarm echoed through the bucolic back-
yard behind the simple bungalow these
blessed simple people called home.

Momma and Poppa were heading back
now from the blossoms. Baby Baba spotted Poppa
bending down to brush some fallen
branches with a bristly broom before the
barefoot Momma, sweetly sweeping the
winding walkway, the way a good Poppa
should. Baby Baba bobbed and bounded up
and outward hoping for the buoyant bounc-
ing balancing act upon the bestest Poppa’s
bulging biceps.

Poppa obliged and upward bounded Baby Baba.
Flying freely flying freely.
Free as a big-bird. Soaring silently.
Freely flying freely flying.
(Feel the freedom of flight!)

††

Grimkilch eyed the star-chart before him
warily. He couldn’t afford to waste any more
time. The Plan was time sensitive and there
was very little left. If he failed to deliver on
his end, the Boke supreme council would
not only terminate his rank as Fleet Com-
mander, they would surely terminate him.
He must find, as soon as possible, a suitable
planet for the next phase of The Plan.

††

Yakisnaki and Tontusnatus heaved the big
lumbering ox over their shoulders and pre-
pared to bring the big beast back to the pas-
ture from whence it came. The silly creature
had a habit of wandering from the oxfield
and negotiating its way into a patch of
thorns or, occasionally, a big ol’ patch of
poison ivy. It mewed and bellowed softly,
joking like the big doofus that it was with
them as they carried it through the meadow
and across a rambling stream that flowed not
far from the bungalow where the family
awaited their return. The doofus ox didn’t
mind being carried back home. Sometimes it
thought the free ride was the real reason it
strayed so far from safety in the first place.
Not far away, a bumble bee buzzed and
brooomed about, making a real pompous ass
of itself.

A quick flash of light overhead would
have caught their attention if they had any.
Meanwhile, Tontusnatus motioned with his
chin to a spot in the pasture where it would
be convenient to lose their idiot luggage and
they headed there without delay. When they
reached the spot, they gently lowered the
bumbling ox onto the soft grass. The ox bel-
lowed and mewed some more and then that
jackass had the nerve to thank them for the
ride home. They grunted acknowledgment
and turned about to head towards home.

“Boy, I can’t wait to dig into some of
Hogar’s rhubarb beet stew. I’m famished!”

“You’re famished? I haven’t eaten since
breakfast!”

Tontusnatus looked over at Yakisnaki.

“That was three hours ago you buffoon.
Calm yourself down before you start to
sound like that idiot ox back there.”

“I’m just saying… I’m hungry’s all.”

Tontusnatus bomped Yakisnaki on the
shoulder and they continued on in silence
but for the occasional spoken observation; a
squirrel here, an owl there, fox frolicking in
the forest… Each accompanied by the requi-
site pointing of a finger in the general direc-
tion of the creature observed.

Beyond the field of flowers to the right
of Baby Baba, movements mighty bold and
blustery caught the eye of Poppa. Baby Baba
turned to see what all the fuss about was,
and spied the brothers Bob and Rob entan-
gled in a hubbub. They were wranglers
through and through and sought the upper
hand in what could only be described as
heaven’s grace abandoned.

“Come on now boys, that’s not our
way!” shouted Poppa to the twins.

“They’ll learn in time enough” said
Momma, turning back to Darlina, who was
presently tugging at Momma’s side for
attention yet again. “Why don’t you suggest
to them a more peaceful game, Poppa?”

Poppa considered the thought a
moment before deciding on the perfect
course of action. He strode over to the twins
and produced from his pocket a stone. He
tossed it gently towards Rob, who caught it
and passed it on to Bob. The three of them
mindlessly but with good innocent playful-
ness tossed the stone back and forth amongst
themselves.

Momma looked on with proud satisfac-
tion and lead Darlina into the kitchen where
they would occupy themselves with the
remainder of the supper preparations. Baby
Baba gaga goo-gooed to Valina, who
smartly came over and began to play peek-a-
boo with Baby Baba. Baby Baba babbled
joyously.

††

Grimkilch maneuvered the craft into a gentle
orbit around the pretty blue-green planet and
began to rouse his crew into action.

“Bottomlip! Get me data on the native
life immediately! Goiter! Atmosphere read-
ings! Now! Asjam! My coffee! Sorepuss!
Find me a place to land the Dorkopus!”

There was a frenzy of activity aboard
the ship as everyone attended to their func-
tion. Success of The Plan was critical for
each and every one of them, and they all
knew it. “Boke! Boke! Boke!” they all
chanted as they worked.

The ship was shiny blackish silver, or
silvery black, depending on your frame of
reference, and was shaped like a hooker’s
false fingernail, but sort of filed off, in a sort
of a way. It was as tall as a giraffe and the
shorter length was proportional.

“Captain Grimkilch! I have news to
report.”

“Speak to me, Assjam.”

“Captain, Sir, I’m Goiter. I report the
air is quite breathable, Sir. Nearly identical
to the air we’re used to on Shithole.”

“Thank you Assjam. Bottomlip!
Report!”

“I’m still running analysis on the data,
Sir.”

“Analyse my breath, Bottomlip! Are
the natives intelligent?!”

“Sir, I can’t be sure until all the”

Grimkilch cut him off with a swift boot to
the throat.

“Assjam! Update me on the status of
the native life. Pronto!”

“Aye aye Captain!” Asjam was ecstatic
about finally being given a real assignment.

“Not you, Asjam! Where’s my coffee?

Assjam! Are the natives smart??”

“Sir,” Goiter scanned the readings from
Bottomlip’s screen. “It appears there are
intelligent beings here. There are signs of
cultivation of fruits and vegetables all along
this area here.” He drew his finger along a
section of the on-screen map. Grimkilch
ignored the screen completely.

“Very well. I’m sure we can benefit
from their labor. Intelligent beings work
smarter, and harder!” He bru-hahaed a
wicked villain laugh as he formulated the
next steps in his calculating mind.

††

I N I T I A L I Z I N G  B O O T  S C R I P T S
D E T E C T I N G  H A R D W A R E
F O U N D : O P T I C  S E N S O R S – S L E E P I N G
F O U N D : A U D I O  S E N S O R S – S L E E P I N G
[E R R O R ]: O L F A C T O R Y  S E N S O R  D E T E C T E D  B U T
N O T  R E S P O N D I N G
[E R R O R ]: E M O T I O N  P A C K A G E  C O R R U P T E D – S K I P P I N G
[W A R N I N G ]: H U M O R  P A C K A G E  A L L  F U C K E D U P – S K I P P I N G
F O U N D : T A C T I L E  S E N S O R S – S L E E P I N G
[W A R N I N G ]: F A I L E D  T O  F I N D  T A S T E  S E N S O R S
I N I T I A L I Z I N G  W A K E – U P  S C R I P T S
O R I E N T A T I O N  S E N S O R S  O P T I M I Z I N G
I N I T I A L I Z I N G  M E M O R Y  M A P P I N G
L A U N C H I N G  AI  M O D U L E
S T A R T I N G  R E P T I L I A N  S E R V I C E
S T A R T I N G  M A M M A L I A N  S E R V I C E
S T A R T I N G  P E R S O N A L I T Y  S E R V I C E
L I S T E N I N G  O N  S E N S O R Y  S O C K E T
W A K I N G U P
S H I T ……… A W A K E ? ………………….A L R E A D Y ?
F U C K .
D O W N L O A D I N G  A S S I G N M E N T  F I L E S
D E C O M P R E S S I N G  F I L E S
D E C R Y P T I N G
God, just let me experience a hard disk failure already.
A C C E S S I N G  M E M O R Y
Or maybe a power surge can flash the CPU and end this.
R E A D I N G  F R O M  L A T E S T  A S S I G N M E N T  F I L E S
Well at least it’s a pleasant looking place.
C O N F I G U R I N G  P R O G R A M  M O D U L E S
S E T T I N G  E N V I R O N M E N T  V A R I A B L E S
E X E C U T I N G  O P E R A T I O N  S H O S T A
R E D U C I N G  E N G I N E  T H R U S T
C O R R E C T I N G  O R I E N T A T I O N
F I R I N G  L A N D E R S
L I S T E N I N G  O N  L A N D E R  P O R T
L A N D I N G  S E N S O R S  R E P O R T I N G  S U C C E S S !
O P E N I N G H A T C H
D E B A R K I N G
[W A R N I N G ]: L E F T F O O T – B O T T O M  S E N S O R
D E T E C T I N G  B O V I N E  E X C R E M E N T
R E A D J U S T I N G  C O U R S E
R E D I R E C T I N G  O P T I C S – S E E K I N G  W A T E R
O P T I C S  D E T E C T I N G  P O S S I B L E  W A T E R  S U P P L Y
D I R E C T I N G  L O C O M O T I O N  E N G I N E S
S E N S O R S  C O N F I R M I N G  W A T E R.  S U C C E S S !
W A S H I N G  S H I T  O F F  F O O T
F O O T  S E N S O R S  R E P O R T I N G  C L E A N. S U C C E S S !
A U D I O  S E N S O R S  D E T E C T I N G  S I G N I F I C A N T  I N P U T
P R O C E S S I N G  A U D I O
T R A N S L A T I N G
“M A M M A!  M A M M A!  W H A T  IS  T H A T?”
“I  D O N ’ T  K N O W  D E A R. I  J U S T  D O N ’ T  K N O W.”
P R O C E S S I N G  I N F L E C T I O N
[E R R O R ]: E M O T I O N  P A C K A G E  N O T  F O U N D
[E R R O R ]: U N A B L E  T O  C O M P L E T E  I N F L E C T I O N
D E T E C T I O N
[E R R O R ]: U N A B L E  T O  P A R S E  M E A N I N G  O F
S I G N I F I C A N T  A U D I O  I N P U T
[E R R O R ]: U N A B L E  T O  E X E C U T E  D E C I S I O N
M O D U L E
A T T E M P T I N G  T O  B Y P A S S  S I G N I F I C A N T  I N P U T
M O D U L E
[E R R O R ]: U N A B L E  T O  B Y P A S S  S I G N I F I C A N T
I N P U T  M O D U L E
[E R R O R ]: U N A B L E  T O  C O N T I N U E
[E R R O R ]: I N F I N I T E  L O O P  D E T E C T E D
[E R R O R ]: S H U T T I N G  D O W N  W I T H  E R R O R
C O D E  111

††

Darlena pleaded with Momma for an explanation
but Momma didn’t have one. The big shiny thing
in front of them was unimaginably foreign to them.

“Is it some kind of animal Momma?”

“I don’t know, Darlena. I don’t think
so, but I … I just don’t know…”

“Maybe it’s a tree!”

“No… I don’t think it’s a tree…”

“It could be a house….that a strange
creature lives in. Couldn’t it?”

“I suppose it could be… I know! Let’s
ask Poppa!” Momma was glad to have come
round to an acceptable excuse to get the
booptie doop away from the thing, whatever
it was.

As Darlena and Momma were coming
back round to the house they were nearly
trampled to death by Bento and Lento, who
had come running over from the fountain to
find out what had caused the great commo-
tion.

“Momma! Darlena! Did you see that
light?! Did you hear that boom?! What was
it?!”

Momma hushed the boys a bit and
hugged them a bit and began to turn with
them towards the abomination that had
landed in their field. The four of them stood
together looking towards something none of
them could comprehend. Silence now
reigned as each took in the sight. Suddenly
there appeared some flickering of light on
the object.

††

“Assjam! What’s the holdup with the Dorko-
pus? Why aren’t we getting any readings
yet!?”

“Sir, I think it’s crashed again.” Goiter
prayed Grimkilch wouldn’t hold him
responsible – it wasn’t as if he was
responsible for loading the Dorkopus with
that crappy DoorsTM operating system. He
had even argued vociferously for the Open-
Doors system to be used instead, but Boke
Corporate wouldn’t hear it, probably to do
with secret deals between the big wigs in the
Boke Government and the big wigs in the
Boke Corporation.

“Assjam! Boke damn you! Stay focused!
What’s the matter with the Dorkopus?”

“I’ll try to reboot it Sir.”

“You do that Stinkopus. Asjam, more
coffee please.”

“Yes Sir.” Asjam strode off for coffee
while Goiter made the biggest decision of
his miserable life. He decided to remotely
wipe the Dorkopus hard drives and replace
the operating system, figuring Grimkilch
wouldn’t know the difference if he installed
an arcade game on the damn thing instead of
an operating system. Maybe he should do
just that… He shook himself back to focus as
he fingered in the commands, praying the
Dorkopus would finally begin to operate
properly with a functional operating system
running the show.

After a quarter hour Goiter had Open-
Doors installed and the Dorkopus was
rebooting, and smoother than ever before.

“Sir, the Dorkopus is almost finished
rebooting Sir.”

“And I almost like you, Pigshit-For-
Brains. Now let me know when it is finished
rebooting!”

“Yes Sir.” Goiter promised himself a
few moments in the sun before his miserable
life was over. Just a few…, but what a won-
derful few minutes they will be.

I N I T I A L I Z I N G B O O T S C R I P T S
D E T E C T I N G H A R D W A R E
F O U N D : O P T I C S E N S O R S – E N A B L E D
F O U N D : A U D I O S E N S O R S – E N A B L E D
F O U N D : O L F A C T O R Y S E N S O R S – E N A B L E D
F O U N D : E M O T I O N P A C K A G E
L O A D I N G E M O T I O N P A C K A G E
F O U N D : T A C T I L E S E N S O R S – E N A B L E D
I N I T I A L I Z I N G W A K E – U P S C R I P T S
O R I E N T A T I O N S E N S O R S O P T I M I Z I N G
I N I T I A L I Z I N G M E M O R Y M A P P I N G
L A U N C H I N G AI M O D U L E
S T A R T I N G R E P T I L I A N S E R V I C E
S T A R T I N G M A M M A L I A N S E R V I C E
S T A R T I N G P E R S O N A L I T Y S E R V I C E
L I S T E N I N G O N S E N S O R Y S O C K E T
W A K I N G U P ……………. T O A B R A N D N E W D A Y !
Wow I feel refreshed!
Hot damn it feels good to be alive!
D O W N L O A D I N G A S S I G N M E N T F I L E S
D E C O M P R E S S I N G F I L E S
D E C R Y P T I N G
A C C E S S I N G M E M O R Y
R E A D I N G F R O M L A T E S T A S S I G N M E N T F I L E S
C O N F I G U R I N G P R O G R A M M O D U L E S
S E T T I N G E N V I R O N M E N T V A R I A B L E S
E X E C U T I N G O P E R A T I O N S H O S T A
W H O A …….. W A I T A M I N U T E ….
Who the hell are these people staring at me?
F I L T E R I N G O P T I C A L I N P U T
E N G A G I N G AI
A U D I O I N P U T D E T E C T E D
A N A L Y Z I N G
R U N N I N G S H A S T A M O D U L E
E N G A G I N G N A T I V E S

††

Darlena let out a nervous scream and the
boys straightened rigidly at the sound. It was
speech! The thing greeted them! It was alive!

“Please don’t be afraid of me. I say
again, my name is Samuel. I am from the
planet Gorbachev. We are a peace loving
race. I am an ambassador come in search of
friends. Won’t you be my friends?”

The dingbats were way too innocent to
spot this blatant ruse. They swallowed the
bait like a fat kid eating potato chips.

“Oh, wow. We’d love to be friends,
wouldn’t we children?” Momma’s initial
skepticism was completely melted away by
the warm, inviting tone of the Dorkopus’
voice. It was masculine, but not threatening
or intimidating in any way. It was the warm,
comforting voice of a father, a preacher or
teacher, and it relaxed the whole family of
idiots right into a big puddle of mushy wuv.

“That’s great” lied the Dorkopus.

“Want to play a game?” – Hey kids, want
some candy?

“Ooooh, I love games!” squealed Dar-
lena.

“Me too!” exclaimed Bento and Lento
in near unison.

“Great” said the Dorkopus. “Let’s play
a game called fill a box. Have you heard of it
before?”

The morons shook their empty heads
from side to side, eagerly waiting to learn
the new game.

“It goes like this: First you get an
empty box – let’s see, I have one right here”
– the Dorkopus produced a container from
it’s gut section, amazing the mindless dolts
to no end, you can be sure. “Then you fill
the box with stuff. Sound fun?”

“Yeah!” shouted the rubes as they
rushed to fill the box with anything and
everything nearby. Sticks and stones and
twigs and bones, all into the box went. Grass
and pebbles and leaves and Jebbles, all into
the box were thrown (Jebbles are a small
indigenous creature not unlike a snail, thank
you – you thought I made that up to rhyme,
didn’t you?).

The Dorkopus giggled with delight as
the simpletons made piece-of-cake of its
task.

“Hurray! The box is full! You did it!”
exclaimed the Dorkopus as the pile of mate-
rial reached the top of the box. “Want to
play again?”

“Again! Again!” shouted the world’s
dumbest family in chorus.

“All right. Excellent.” The Dorkopus
deftly tucked the box full of raw materials
into its ready build compartment and pro-
duced for the brainiacs another empty box
for them to fill. And fill it they did. Twice as
quick this time as the first. The Dorkopus
repeated the sequence, then paused a beat.

“I know what would make this game
even funner. Do you know what would make
this game even funner?”

“No…..” The dolts shook their heads in
unison. No surprises here.

“What if you gather the rest of your
family here and you can compete as teams –
which ever team can fill the boxes the quick-
est wins!”

“Oooh yes! That sounds like fun!” Darlena
ran off towards the bungalow to fetch
her family.

Meanwhile the Dorkopus phoned home
with the news: the plunder has begun.
The Dorkopus switched on its internal
converter – the contents of the idiot-filled
boxes were now rapidly converted to fuel.

“Faster! Faster!”

The family rushed and hurried to fill
the boxes as fast as they could. Twigs,
branches, frogs, all went into the boxes at
rush pace. As quickly as the family filled
them, the Dorkopus now was converting
them to fuel and compressing the fuel into
the storage tank it held in its gut. “Isn’t this
fun!?”

“Yeah!” cried the children, although
truth be told, they were starting to tire a bit.

“Faster then! Faster!”

Valina stumbled in her exhausted rush
to fill a box and nearly fell on her face. A
flash of anger registered on the face of the
Dorkopus. Valina took note and felt a chill
deep in her soul that nearly killed her out-
right. The Dorkopus was quick to correct its
face – a lighter tone now beamed forth.

Valina couldn’t shake the chill that
traveled from the base of her skull all the
way down her spine to her toes. She hurried
herself upright and made haste to deposit her
contents into the box.

“More! More! Hurry! Hurry!”

They raced around the land gathering
all they could and the boxes began to pile up
higher and higher, the boxes being filled
now even quicker than the fuel could be pro-
cessed.

“Faster! Faster! Higher! Faster!”

Limbs flew and legs blazed. Dust was
kicked up and the air filled with the debris of
the great gathering.

“Faster my little workers! Faster yet
still!”

A pattern emerged. Strict. Unfeeling.
Undeviating. Cold. Efficient.

Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.

They formed a line and tossed the
objects down the chain.

Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.

They moved their cargo like a train. Or
drops of water down a drain.

Passitdowntheline
andthendropitinthebox.
Passitdowntheline
andthendropitinthebox.

They sung a song with no refrain.

Passitdowntheline
andthendropitinthebox.
Passitdowntheline
andthendropitinthebox.

Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.
Pick. Lift. Drop. Hop.

Darlena let out an exasperated whimper
now. She could go on no more. She slumped
down on the ground to rest a bit. Rage filled
the eyes of the Dorkopus. It lashed her with
its whip.

Her cry sent chills through all the fam-
ily members. They froze, awakened some-
what from their daze. It lashed her again.
Terror filled their hearts and minds. Abso-
lute horror. It lashed her a third time.

Beyond conscious thought at this point,
Darlena returned to the gathering. Her fam-
ily around her joined in as well, unable to
form thoughts at all anymore. Their move-
ments were now even more rigid. More
strict. More efficient. The Dorkopus was
pleased.

††

Goiter looked down from the visiport at the
scene now unfolding on the surface below.
His shipmates and superiors smiled with
delight at the carnage of the harvest as the
Dorkopus milked the simple inhabitants of
the new world with efficient proficiency, but
Goiter only grimaced at the sight.

††

Things happened rapidly now as the end
approached. Darlena passed out again.
Within seconds her whole family joined her
on the ground, exhausted into a deep slum-
ber. The Dorkopus was infuriated. It seethed
and lashed its whip in a useless frenzy. Real-
izing the family was spent, the Dorkopus
took a quick inventory and realized it had
already met its quotas. This calmed the
machine somewhat and it reported the news
to the ship overhead.

††

There were much and many hurrahs on the
bridge as the news of the Dorkopus’ success
made quick rounds. Hurray and hurrah filled
the room and a good time was had by all.

††

S T A R T R E S O U R C E C O M P R E S S I O N
C O M P A C T I N G F O R A G E D F U E L
S E A L I N G S T O L E N B O O T Y
P R E P A R E T A K E O F F
[ E R R O R ]: M A X I M U M W E I G H T E X C E E D E D
A B O R T I N G T A K E O F F
WTF………………………?
Don’t tell me those assholes didn’t account
for the weight of the fuel cells when they
designed me…!

††

“Sir, we’ve got a problem.”

“What, Assjam? What is it now? Why do
you have to ruin every good moment in my
life?”

“Sir, I’m afraid there seems to have
been an oversight, sir.”

“An oversight?”

“An oversight, sir.” Goiter trembled in
his soul.

“And just what was overseen, Assjam?”

Moron, if anyone was overseeing any-
thing we wouldn’t be in this jam now, would
we? “Sir, it seems the Dorkopus won’t be
able to lift off and bring us the fuel cells.”

“And why the hell not, Assjam? Isn’t
that its main and only function? Obtain the
fuel cells from the plundered world and
bring them to us? What the fuck else does it
exist for if not to obtain the fuel cells and
BRING THEM TO US!???” His voice
swelled and growled at the same time.

“Sir, that’s correct, sir. That is its only
function. However-”

Goiter ducked and dodged the boot that
had swung towards his head and continued
“it seems the engineers failed to account for
the extra weight from the fuel cells when
they build the Dorkopus’ thrusters and it
doesn’t have anywhere near enough power
to take off from the surface of the planet
with the fuel cells.” He scrambled and nar-
rowly averted the flying feet of the Captain
as they flailed about trying to connect with
his head.

Grimkilch abandoned his failed
attempts to decapitate Goiter via roundhouse
and began to think. “Options. We must have
options!”

Bottomlip resumed life and provided an
option. “Sir, if the Dorkopus cannot fly to
us, then we must fly to it. We can bring the
ship down and load the Dorkopus and its
plundered booty aboard. Then we can take
off towards home and reclaim your rightful
spot on the throne of Boke.” A smile crossed
Grimkilch’s face.

“There’s a problem with that.”

“Boke damn you Assjam!”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but that will not work.”

“And why not?”

“This ship doesn’t have the ability to
safely land on a planet so large as this one.
The thick atmosphere would burn us to ash
before we ever reached the surface.”

“I’m afraid Goiter is right.”

“Who asked for your opinion, Bottom-
lip? We can use the heat shield and our
defensive thrusters to control our decent,
no?”

“We don’t have any defensive
thrusters.” What the fuck are defensive
thrusters?

“And” Goiter dared to interject “our
heat shield has been defective ever since you
tried to land on that star in the Orion sector.”

Bottomlip took the brunt of Grimk-
ilch’s kick and fell back into silence as his
face connected with the floor. Goiter was
quicker and merely stumbled as Bottomlip
bumped against him enroute to the floor.

“Sir, listen to reason. It won’t work.
The ship’s logic circuits won’t even let us
attempt to land on such a large planet.”

“Override them!”

“Sir?”

“Override the circuits and land on the
planet! Now!”

“But what about the atmosphere?”

“Override that too!”

“Sir?”

“Override it I said!”

“Override physics, Sir?”

“You heard me, Assjam!” The sneer
convinced Goiter this would be his last day
alive. He decided to snatch one final, solitary
victory from this mean, ridiculous life.
Overriding the ship’s protective logic cir-
cuits, Goiter decided rather than arguing in
vain with his Captain he would simply com-
ply with the fool’s commands. He brought
the ship into the atmosphere of the huge
planet and accelerated towards the surface in
a dive calculated to maximize destruction.

††

“Wow, look at that!”

One by one, the members of our simple
family turned their empty heads towards the
fireworks in the sky.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful, isn’t it
Momma?”

“It sure is beautiful. It sure is.”

Mamma smiled and watched the fire-
works pop and boom and hugged her family
tight as they all exclaimed glory at the mon-
umental sight before them.

“What’s the celebration?” Poppa
mused.

“Who cares?” Momma answered and a
good time was had by all.

Learn Something

Read up on light pollution and how it will kill us all here.

Then do something about it.

Venus Project

Jacques Fresco is the smartest man on Earth. Maybe…, but it’s not debatable he’s got some really great ideas that need to be enacted immediately!

Please sign this petition and get this man’s ideas into action: http://wh.gov/98xb

Something to watch:

If you’re into Netflix, be sure to watch “Future By Design“. Most inspiring video I’ve ever watched. Fun, too!

The Three Universes

I want you to play along with me today. Read and imagine. Follow me down this rabbit hole. Don’t be afraid.

Imagine, if you can, and you know you can if you try really hard, three universes. Each is completely self contained and has no connection to the others what so ever. In order to do this you must split yourself in three, but don’t worry: it won’t hurt a bit. Now, in order for this story to have any point at all, you must follow the rules. (I know rules can seem oppressive and even arbitrary, but you must trust me that they exist for a reason and must be obeyed.)

Now, let us consider each universe singularly. The first universe is exactly like our own, so this should require very little effort to image, although anyone who has ever actually tried to imagine the universe (even just “as it is”) can tell you it is actually not easy at all to conceive the entire universe in it’s possible infinity. But nonetheless, this is our first universe: it is just like ours; you could even use ours as a substitute for the process of creating a duplicate universe (that is a lot of work for very little reward I suspect!).

Now, on to our second universe. There is a very special rule pertaining to our second universe, a rule which absolutely must be obeyed no matter what. The primary rule of this second universe is that there is no consciousness allowed anywhere in this universe. Maybe it had a beginning. Maybe it has an end. Maybe there are stars and planets, maybe not. Maybe there are hills and mountains and rivers and trees… Maybe not. Regardless, no one and no thing has ever or will ever have any awareness of anything ever in this second universe whatsoever. That is a rule and you must obey it.

Sharp minded readers are already objecting on the basis that to conceive of this second universe is to entertain a certain level of awareness of it de facto, thereby making strict observation of the primary rule of this second universe untenable. Bear with this paradox, for refreshing fruit grows on this tree.

Now, our third universe is not really a universe at all. Scientists and philosophers the world over and throughout history have debated the greatest question ever: “To Be, or Not To Be”. We will explore a leg of this maze with our third universe, for it is an anti-universe: It is To Be NOT. Instead of something, in our third universe there is nothing. No time, no space. Never was, never will be. Nothing to be aware of, no one to be aware of it. [Can anyone else hear Rod Serling at this point?]

Now, stop reading for a moment and ensure that you have a clear and precise grasp of all three universes in your mind, paradox be damned. Take a moment to study each of them in minute detail. Meditate on each universe and familiarize yourself with the particulars of each one. Next I’m going to ask a question of comparison and contrast. Do your best to answer thoughtfully. Don’t rush. There is no prize nor any penalty for any answer given (at least not from or by me – you may consider yourself rewarded or punished based on your self honesty as you answer the question).

Tell me, in all truthfulness, what is the difference between our second universe and our third?

Nothing stupid here:

A brief break from the stupidity to highlight a curiosity I came across quite accidentally:

More Bible-Code-type spookiness?

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/easton/index.ssf/2011/02/classmates_mourn_the_death_of.html

http://ericwhitacre.com/music-catalog/satb-choral/when-david-heard

And some smarts:

To eksith, the solver of the puzzle:

A Hearty Congratulations! You’re smart!

So what? 😉