Tag Archives: society

Let’s sap the poor, and those greedy seniors!

Because taxing the rich is unacceptable.  Just another thing that pisses me off.

Here’s another one: You may have heard this story in the media. Young boy killed by drunk, high driver (the destroyers of the universe even when they’re sober, don’t forget!) and the mother was facing a longer sentence than the drunk driver because she was jay walking. Damn that pisses me off. How do you give a drunk driver who kills someone (even if they were jaywalking) a six month sentence? Even if he killed no one there’s no excuse for drunk driving. Automobile dominated civil engineering and racism combined here to create what I find to be an infuriating situation. Thank goodness the judge spared this poor woman prison time.

While we’re on the subject of stupidity: WTF!?

A brief pause to address those of you who might sight the hypocrisy of calling out stupid while quoting from the NY Daily News: Shut up, please. It’s my easy reading paper of choice… and it’s free on my mobile device, whereas that other great NY paper whose name I can’t recall at the moment charges something like a dollar a day… I’m entitled to a free mobile paper!!!!! It’s 2011 for Chrissakes! I don’t want to pay for stuff like this is still the 2nd Millennium.

Besides, if the House Republicans continue their quest to legalize cannibalization of the poor by the rich, I’m going to need every cent I have to finance my survival. No money left over for charity, arts, being a good consumer, none  of that stuff. I’d even like to see a general boycott of consumerism for at least three months, especially if these ass-clowns screw this budget thing up. Everybody just stop buying stuff. Let’s tank the economy in  a stunning public economic suicide. Hoard every dollar you have. Damn, you have no idea how badly I’d like to see the entire capitalist consumerist corporate commercial  just-keep-shopping-till-you’re-dead system just blast a giant, runny fart all over the khakis of the smug elite. Even if it hurt us all in the end, I’d still love to see it. Damn, you just have no idea…

Might actually be a good thing since we don’t produce sh*t anymore anyway. Might even close the trade imbalance since all the crap we’re buying is made somewhere else… Here’s something that isn’t relevant (or is it…)

 

Heat Wave!!

How to get 6-pack abs in just 1 month!

I think that we are collectively involved in a wrong war. I’m not talking the middle east here (save that one for another post!), I’m talking about the war in NYC between bicyclists and pedestrians. It’s been going on for some time now, with flare ups interspersed between coldwar-esqe lulls that never mean peace but aren’t quite war. And I have two major quarrels with this war. They are really one and the same, but I need some substance here so bear with me.

My first quarrel is one of general principle. When we, the citizens of this fine city (if you don’t live here that’s fine too, just keep bearing with me – the relevance to your life is coming soon) engage in this war, we are participating in the downfall of humanity via that well trodden path known as Divide and Conquer. Of course we are on the receiving end – i.e. We are not conquering anything, we are actively participating in our own defeat. Stay with me here, this is important if you want to fully grasp my point. God created Man, and gave us feet to walk on. And Man created bicycles, so, indirectly, God created bicycles. But, and here is the important distinction, automobiles, and the entire suburban culture, are products of the devil, in the form of giant, evil corporations and the cold war era fear of nuclear annihilation (whereas feelings about nuclear annihilation today, by those who still think about such things, are different – generally an almost fatalistic, even optimistic, view that whether or not we blow the world to smithereens, it has to get better than this). Don’t argue with me or try to persuade me with contrary facts – I know what I’m talking about here!

Now the real enemy of both pedestrians and bicyclists is, obviously, cars and their drivers. Think about it. If they’d stop bringing their big stupid vehicles into town, the streets would have plenty of room to accommodate both pedestrians and bicyclists. (Anybody who dares to bring up even the slightest flaw in this logic will be mocked mercilessly and then beaten into obscurity with an “I can’t hear you” stick!)

Now, this brings me to my second issue. The fault of this whole situation clearly lies with city management (they’re trying to conquer us!!! – ok, maybe not really. Maybe…). I won’t harp on too much because the mayor appears to be baby stepping in the right direction, but I’d really like to see a communist style redistribution of wealth, applied, of course, to the wealth of moving-around space in this city. Get the cars the hell out of here and let’s see some better resource management!

Have any of you ever taken a good, close look at some of the lane dividers painted on our streets? Or taken a civil engineer’s eye to some of our less perpendicular intersections, particularly in the outer boroughs? I don’t think anyone from the city has either… It’s a miracle more people aren’t killed on these streets every day, whether they’re walking, biking, or participating in the destruction of all life on earth by driving a car.

Oh, and if you really want to get in shape, you should probably get your fat ass out of your car and walk a little!

Weight loss for the average Jane.

Today’s post is a special one. One whose meaning I hope will not be lost on you, dear reader, as I explore some of the more profound chambers of the human soul. I will need you, dear reader, to stay focused with me as we venture into these dark and dusty rooms whose existence remains dubious to all who have never ventured into them. The ancient moldy mildew dusts everything in these chambers with a sepia hued shadow that threatens to reduce our memories of this visit to an ephemeral wisp of vision not unlike an astral dream sequence. Are you ready, dear reader? Here we go!

In Rome there lived a Senator. His name I can’t recall.

He lived his life enjoyably, like one big happy ball.

He left unto his children

the land bequeathed to him

and sure enough,

through rough and tough,

they held through thick and thin.

Passing from this amber arbor, we move slowly through the hall into the next chamber:

There lived a sad old witch’s child, whose name is long forgotten.

The witch’s view of everything was sadly sore and rotten.

And so when time to harvest came,

her herbs and newts and brain,

her child pointed out to her: you do not harvest brain.

Moving into the next chamber, we encounter this strange parabolic entity:

Upstairs, downstairs,

Upstairs, down.

Three steps, two steps,

Three steps, trip and fall all the way to the bottom.

Dust yourself off and go have some cocoa.

Arriving at the parlor, we pause because we are tired and sit on the comfy couch to watch some Netflix. We fall asleep while the show continues unwatched. It doesn’t care.

Super Hot Investment Tip

Made an investment recently… Now calm down, I know you’re all excited to hear about it and I’m going to tell you all about it. [Be pretty mean to bring it up and not tell you all about it right?] Investments make good money sense etc etc and in these times everyone is eager for any assistance they can get. I understand this.

My investment is of a different nature, namely the nature of staying comfortable in summertime. Nature + summer=funk. Hot sweaty stinky funk.

Still with me? Great! I recently invested in a collection of A-Shirts. 25 A-Shirts. Yup, damn near a month’s worth factoring in going au natural on weekends.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re wondering what the hell an A-Shirt is. Unless you’re nothing like me and you knew all along that wifebeaters were actually called A-Shirts all this time. (Who knew, really, that this was the case? Really?) So I decided that I had spent enough summers uncomfortably attired and was going to do something about it this year. [Snip boring details.]

Wifebeater

Wifebeater, aka A-Shirt

So if you don’t already own a month’s supply of wifebeaters, think about it, ok? You won’t regret it – trust me. You do trust me don’t you?

Trust this: Sleeves are for losers!

Don’t take it personal…

 

To all the insubordinate

Bastards who answered yesterday’s poll question wrong:

SHUT UP!

Just kidding. Your voice matters, I suppose…

Of some seriousness, here is a list of media you may or may not be aware of, but should be:

  • Freaks (movie, 1932)
  • McSorley’s Wonderful Saloon (book by Joseph Mitchell, 1943)
  • 2001 A Space Odyssey (movie, 1968)
  • THX 1138 (movie, 1971)
  • Waterworld (movie, 1995)
  • The Military Industrial Complex (symphonic tone poem by Michael Micara, 2011)

There is a common thread to all these works (other than they are all recommended to you by me!). Next week I’ll fill in the blanks. ‘Till then, feast your brain on this fill in the blanks puzzle:

RATR PFOP AA _ _ _ _

Can you figure out the next four letters? Not a very fair puzzle, but so what? Life isn’t fair…

(or is it…?)